Laugh, I about pissed my pants when the final whistle went.
I'll be happy to advise you on paying your taxes.
Be sure to get Mitten's crotch in the shot. Good idea, Bae! I hope this never goes online!
Dijeron: si pestañeas te lo pierdes... y así me quedao!!!
So What if my ex and her new boyfriend live with me for free? I'm just being nice.
There you go again. Acting like a damn fool.
Fact: Women love playing games. So if you wanna get some buy a board game, dog!
You want me to stand in line to get you an Apple Watch? You cray cray.
Need HBOGO Account! Must watch Game of thrones!!!
Got an extra ticket to see bill cosby. Who wants it!
Thanks North Korea! Thanks North Korea! Thanks North Korea! And Seth Rogen!
I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on my face. Thoughts?
I'd rather be crucified than poop out more eggs.
I need friends. Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting co-- MOO!! Haha! That's a good one, Larry!
I binge watched Daredevil All in one Day! Now I'm depressed :-(
Dear Jesus, can u hook me up w/ your HBO Go? Missing Game of Thrones.
Has anyone seen my neck?
April fools day! I actually worship the devil!
I hope the Spurs don't play my team in the playoffs.
Dear lord, thank you for your greatest creation...Binge watching!
I'd also like to apologies for saying I stormed the beach at Normandy, and was the second Gun Men on the Grassy knoll.
Si Jesucristo regresó de entre los muertos, probando que es Dios, El está vivo hoy en día. El esta deseando más que ser adorado. El esta deseando ser conocido y entrar en nuestras vidas.
Guess What? I've Been Hired at Fox news!
Que boniques!
You know what sounds good about now? Food.
mmm, bird. mmm, bacon. mmm, bird bacon!
Screw you, kids! I'm keeping all the eggs!
If Kim Kardashian didn't win a Grammy, U think Kanye would've jumped the stage?
I'm not on steroids!!! I just suffer from small head syndrome.
If looks could kill then I'd be the Chimera Virus. Jealous?
I'm not wearing any panties. Shh. Don't tell. You got issues.
Who's in the mood for some Chimichangas?
Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful.
got it
I feel sad for Kanye West. Nobody can be that stupid.
Dear god, give people the ability to Think before they tweet.
I love Daredevil! Cuz he uses echolocation! Like me!
Despite my feelings towards them, Kim and Kanye are really meant for each other.